"If you're going to San Francisco ...

... you're going to meet some gentle people there".

And we certainly did!

Expanding on our first day in San Francisco, of course one of the first places we stopped off at was the Castro area which was about 2 blocks away from our hotel. The Castro is the main gay area in San Fran, think Oxford Street but smaller, and with a lot more class, history, great places to eat and awesome shopping.

It's also the area where Harvey Milk lived above his camera shop which became the campaign headquarters for his successful election to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.

Harvey Milk's camera shop, which became his campaign headquarters. Today it's the headquarters of the human rights campaign for equality (gay rights and gay marriage).

The famous Castro Theatre sign, at present they are showing silent movies and will soon have a big Grease Sing a Long in August! Next door is Hot Cookie which sells ... hot cookies! They were awesome.

Walking through the Castro we find a number of fantastic bars, shops and restaurants - even an apartment that has a collection of Ken dolls in the window with varying appendages - from the usual no genitalia Ken doll to the ... well endowed.

 

Ken got around when Barbie was away.

Heading south from the Castro we make our way down to the San Francisco piers to visit Fisherman's Wharf and hopefully spot Alcatraz and the Golden Gate bridge. Transportation is quite easy once you get your head around it, you can take the subway, or the old fashioned cable trams or cable buses - all use the same ticketing system and it's $2 a trip. Cheap!

All aboard to Pier 39

We get down to the San Francisco bay piers, also home to the San Francisco Port Authority and ferries departing for the legendary Alcatraz. But before that the tummy rumbles and we're fortunate enough to stumble upon a Japanese food truck! Food trucks are all the rage in the US at the moment and we sadly missed out on finding one in New York. Basically restaurants have food trucks that turn up at various places in the city and announce their location through facebook or twitter etc and you have a few hours to get down there to buy their dishes of the day. In this instance it was the Oringilly Samurai Snack truck and they were serving Japanese sushi rolls. For $10 you got three large sushi cones. On today's menu was spicy shrimp cones and black seaweed cones. They were lush!

At the location of the San Francisco Port Authority there were quite a number of farmer market stalls selling goods and offering food for tasting. One of the local fish mongers were selling large San Fran Bay oysters for $2 and I couldn't resist. Served with a horseradish cream and lemon, the san fran oyster was delicious. I would've eaten a dozen of them, but knowing we were heading for Fisherman's Wharf and the infamous Bubba Gump Shrimp company, I put my wallet away.

Yum.

Oh yeah.

Fisherman's Wharf is one of San Francisco's main attractions and when we get there the place is swarming with people - tourists, locals, kids from schools on vacation camps etc. We're glad that it's a weekday - hate to be here on the weekend! The shops at the wharfs are ok, everything is over touristy and aimed at the $. Speaking of which, we decide to visit the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company - mainly because we just had to cause of the lure of our enjoyment of the Forest Gump movie. We slide into one of the Bubba Gump booths and order up a couple of Bubba cocktails, some garlic shrimp and a bowl of clam chowder.

Cheers!

You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. There's uh, shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole ... shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp...

Given that it's San Fran, also home to the clam chowder, and given that it's Bubba Gump you'd think that the chowder would be out of this world. It wasn't. Watery, tasteless bits of rubber clam, filled with celery and diced potato. It was as awful as it was disappointing. Bubba Gump fail. Not worth uploading the photo.

From Bubba Gump's we head out and walk up the piers where we finally get to see The Rock (no, not the wrestler), the Golden Gate Bridge and some beautiful sea lions.

The Rock - as seen from Pier 39, Fisherman's Wharf

Sea Lions! Well, two of them. It's their off season at the moment. They are amazing creatures.

Ok, so, mesmerised by the site of the Golden Gate Bridge we forgot to take a photo of it (!) but don't worry, we'll by cycling across it tomorrow so will have heaps of snaps!

Leaving the hoards of fellow tourists behind at the wharfs we head back into San Fran to visit some other touristy areas and walk the many long and steep streets of the city.

Lombard Street, not only a steep hilly street in San Fran, it's also the site of the world's crookedest street (well, apart from maybe Wall St *boomtish*). Up the top of the photo is the windy section - during peak hours cars line up for over an hour to take the short drive down the windy part. Crazy!

Us down near the piers of San Fran Bay, in the background you can see the Coit Tower.

Just down the road is a bottle shop called 'Coit Liquors'. We kid you not. Make of that what you will..... ;)

Walking the streets of San Francisco we make it to California Street, which is one of the city's longest and steepest streets. Given we haven't been to the gym in a while and could use the exercise we decide to tackle it!

Us at the bottom of California Street

View from the top of California St!

View of the old fashioned cable tram that was just heading down California St which we could have caught from the bottom to the top.

On the way up California St we do find the tram museum which is located where the lines are that work the old fashioned cable cars in San Fran. Interesting to see those big wheels that keep on turnin'!

Me , aptly standing outside the tres chic Top of the Mark cocktail lounge. Most elegant, it has been a favourite with the famous (and infamous), the rich and beautiful people from all over the world who love the lounge's breathtaking 360 degree views of San Fransisco and beyond.

Terry, aptly standing outside the Nob Hill Theatre. Most elegant, it has been a favourite with the famous (and infamous), the rich and beautiful people from all over the world who love the lounge's breathtaking all male review where you can touch their junk and they can touch yours (so we were told)!!

We make it back to the Castro!

Terry outside Harvey's, namesake of Harvey Milk and also Terry's gorgeous cousin(s). We'll be having dinner here tonight and testing our brains against the locals at trivia night.

Another city, another drag queen. This time 'Bebe' who hosted the trivia night (we didn't win, we did really really well on the movie section and the music section, but failed on the US Politics section. Go figure). Note all our tans.

Coming up tomorrow: despite being told that there are no tickets available to cruise to Alcatraz, we'll share how we beat the system! Plus we cycle across the Golden Gate bridge, have our first ice cream cones at Sausilito and yes, how to manage to cram in another bowl each of clam chowder!!

MB

Miami Heat (not the Basketball Team, US!) and the San Fran Giants! (not the team, US!)

Time to cap off a fantastic, sweat ladled time in Miami Heat (tm).

After Mark's Post full of witty banter and sparkling rapartee, tis time for my turn to fill in the gaps of our remaining time, and our arrival of the Gay Capital of The World (yes, you thought it actually was Constitution Road Dulwich Hill, but NO! But even I don't think The famous Castro has a signed Cyndi Lauper Barbie Doll on their mantle....), San Francisco! But before you, like, start going on like you've called our home phone (we don't own a home phone, so quit asking) and I answer, and you go, "Um, I was actually hoping to speak to Mark please...?" , you are stuck with me for this particular duration of the episode.

So, after Segwaying ourselves around like Gob Bluth out of Arrested Development...

 

...we, go for yet another bathe, in our local rainbow flag flying beach, and cockail drinking pools at our hotel, (yep, tickin' all the boxes now), we decide for some fine Italian for our last night in the Heatwave that is Miami, and I am not talking about Richie....



Miami was amazing, and so was this Italian.
Grazie it was called, and we 'Grazied' the experience. We both had the Lobster Bisque, which we have grown accustomed to, so if they don't start selling that at Chatswood Mall on a Thursday, there will be hell to pay. But that was for entree. The main was Risotto for Mark...
Risotto Frutti Di MareArborio rice, mix seafood, fresh tomato, arugola, white wine
...and for me....
Papardelle di Granchio
Lump crabmeat, calamari, leeks, sun-dried tomatoes, crab bisque
And after a couple of Italian Mojitos and a nice bottle of vino (Grazie), we skip the dessert and stumble, ever so slowly stumble, to our hotel. With a Cirque du Soleil happening in our stomach, merely for the fact we were so full, we collapse on our beds, like two whales on a beach, only slightly lighter, and a tad more liquored up.
We wake up to another brilliant morning in Miami. The Weather Channel pronounced on our arrival that our entire stay would be storms. So don't believe it! If you are in Sydney, and the weather says cold with a bit of crapness, don't believe it I say, and get out your best singlet and budgie smugglers out and head to the beach (also good advice for you blokes!) ;)

We decide to hit up, again, the segway! And the pool!!! Our segway trip down the way, we travel past hundreds of cyclists (suckers) and walkers (who does that these days..?!?!?) and view the hundreds of hotels on the boardwalk. Amazing what Miami Beach has turned into since out last Segway trip (uh, yesterday). It is an amazing place, and despite the momentum towards buying "I'm in Miami Bitch" T-Shirts, everyone is lovely, and we are going to miss this place, that is, when we stop peeling and our skin grows back a lovely Sydney Whiter Shade of Pale....
We head off to the airport, farewelling those rainbow coloured beach flags only to be welcome by a MASSIVE one here in the heart of San Francisco.



We arrive at midnight, so to the GORGEOUS (see, sounding like the locals already...) Parker Guest House we go.



It is a lovely place, with great room, an amazing breakfast, and a great grand to play show tunes on. So, thank you, the Lovely Mz Michael Kielb...



...for suggesting this for us. The hosts are lovely, and the Porter is just way too cute (pic to come, trust me, you will die...)
We wake up to a divine breakfast, and head off to The Mission, which is kind of not the area we want to be and we had the map upside down. Back we set up the hill, and head to The Castro. An amazing thriving strip, where the shops are novelty, the bars are novelty and the characters are too. We fall in love with it immediately. With shops diverse as a Cyndi Lauper setlist, we look in every one of them, with thoughts of presents to buy, ranging from kooky, to kinky (and we hadn't even got to thinkin' bout all of you!)
We head down to the wharves and grab some renowner, albeit, touristy food at "Bubba Gumps"!
The place is cheesy, with slogans as far as the wine list on the back of tennis table bats. The food is good, although the clam chowder, that we are now conniseurs, is disappointing.
That said, we catch the Castro tram back up the steep incline to home, and get ready for 'Harveys'



dinner and trivia, with a drag queen to boot! This place has SO much history, with the knowledge of Harvey Milk setting up shop nearby, and we take it all in. Along with several local ales and Bloody Marys, and a decent scoring at Trivia despite us not knowing most of the round of 'Scandalous Politicians', thinking maybe Bill Clinton was the right answer for most, but actually surprisingly getting the question right to the answer 'Weiner', but maybe thats just becasue we like the word 'weiner'. "He he, weiner...."
More is to be said about this night, with more pictures galore to be added to all above proceedings, but that shall have to wait for the morning, as Tez is a tired little San Franciscoan, and needs some beauty sleep. Please await more updates with drooling anticipation, as Mark, the newly found Castrofarian he is, takes on the next scintillating adventure....
And in the memory of the great Harvey Milk, our names are Tez and Mark, and we are here to recruit you...!

Cuban food, Miami beaches, Baseball and a brilliant Segway!

Summarising the last few days in Miami: HOT, DAMN HOT! Yes the clouds and raining skies have cleared and we've been greeted with the hot and sunny Miami we were expecting. And yeah, it's very hot! To quote the great Glen Frey, "The Heat is On..."!

Our second day in Miami and we were kindly taken on a tour of Miami by friend and gracious host, Rodney. We visited some hot spots outside of where we are at South Beach, including Fort Lauderdale and Little Havana where we stopped in at an authentic and highly regarded Cuban restaurant called Versailles.


The food was fantastic, massive servings and we tried traditional Cuban foods including a delish Leche Flan and Cuban coffee that was to die for.

Leche flan (similar to Creme Caramel) and a Cuban coffee.

Bellies full of Cuban food, Rodney then drove us to a few bars about Miami - what goes on tour stays on tour! Let's just say they had more Go-Go than early Wham....!

Awesome bartender Richie. If that was his real name...

The next day, you know you've had a big night when you wake up at 12:30pm (a first for me) and you're still drunk (another first for me).  A quick lunch on Ocean Drive to soak up the alcohol and giant goblets of diet coke start to make things feel better (sober):

Self photo, massive diet cokes.

Entree we share a crab soup. Was beautiful!

Terry has ham sandwiches, with pickles mustard and some fries.

I have seafood linguini with white wine & garlic. "Tres bloody bein indeed!" - I scream at the waitress.

At this point I'm feeling somewhat better, but incapable of functioning at any higher levels. A hangover should not be served with intense hot weather so while Terry is feeling fine and skips off to the beach, I opt to sluggishly walk to the movie theatre to see (another) movie, thinking that darkness and air conditioning will make things all better. I decide to see The Green Lantern (*** 3 stars) and am happy with my hangover remedy until I release that the movie is in 3D. Bugger. But with the help of my 30 gallon movie diet coke (it seemed massive, AND I'd only bought a medium size!) I got my way through to the end of the movie.

I head back to the hotel where we decide to eat at the hotel restaurant. Big mistake. The food was completely tasteless, not one single part of either of our meals tasted like anything. The chef should receive world fame and a big award for managing the amazing feat of sucking the life out of the food he serves. Enough said, we won't eat at the hotel ever again.

The next day we hit the beach and the water is amazingly warm. Almost too warm when you're looking forward to being cooled down after the Miami sun has beaten down on you.  You pay 10 bucks (each) for beach loungers (seems steep to me, but they are worth it) and there's little huts with ice creams and cold drinks. We came to the beach during the week and it was somewhat busy, but of course on weekends it's absolutely packed full of people!

Infamous Miami Beach!

After our swim we head back to the hotel, shower and change, and then get a cab into Miami to Sun Stadium to watch the Miami Marlins Baseball team play against the Houston Astros!

"Take me out to the ball game..."

It was a fantastic experience going to see a real baseball game and while we only understood the basics, it was really enjoyable and interesting to follow. Everyone was was frying in their seats due to the heat and we managed to last only until the end of the 5th inning (out of 9).

The game! The Miami Marlins won - yay!

We left Sun Stadium to head back to our hotel, have a refreshing cool swim in the hotel pool and joined the locals for the hotel's Sunday pool party. Unfortunately the pool party was actually quite shit and it ended after two hours. Literally everyone had disappeared! Having just drank a fishbowl cocktail (yep, exactly as it sounds, a massive cocktail that's served in a fishbowl) and still nursing some of the hangover from the day before, I threw up the white flag and had to head to bed

The next day (Monday, our 2nd last day in Miami) and we decide to hit the beach again (water even warmer than the day before), have lunch at The Carlyle, which is the Miami hotel that was in the movie The Birdcage!!

The Carlyle Hotel, aka the hotel from The Birdcage

Me (left) and Terry (right) ordering from the menu at The Carlyle

After lunch (Terry a roast beef 'sandwich' and me a seafood soup) we decide to get all Arrested Development and hire Segways to motor around Miami! They are amazing to use and a really fantastic way to scoot around town and visit stuff. Gob Bluth had it right with this baby!

Us on our Segways! Top fun :)

Just off to dinner now so will catch you all another time in another location (San Francisco!!).

MB



Miami Vice.....

OK Take Two. Another Post written, one more written off. Why oh why oh why do I do this to myself?!?!? Gone. I was on a really good rant too! Nonsensical euphemisms, and absurb similes galore. You will not have heard such rhetorc since Season Two of the sitcom 'Joey'...! (and yes, they did not make a season two, which explains it all....)
Not remembering anything from my previous posting, due to much fullness from dinner and raspberry flavoured vodka infused fury, I pick up this temperamental laptop off the floor, and, like Paul McCartney, start again (without a freeloading crap band to support me...)
But I digress, once again, and with a Raspberry Vodka infused beverage to ironically soothe my calligraphical nonsense, I try to think more about my engrossed viewer fans (am thinking Kathy Bates right now...)



.....and those that have just accidentally stumbled across our blog thinking it was something actually about Miami Vice....
Despite me looking nothing like Don Johnson, and Mark, depiste being half Filipino, having VERY different pigmented skin to the other guy that no one can remember, and despite the fact that we have similarly bad tastes in clothes....

....we decide to move on, and carry on with our shenanigans.... (love that word)
Flying in, an ominous thunderstorm erupts. And I am not saying the one where Mark found out that there was no back of the seat entertainment! The weather is cruddy! Crap! And Damn well Crufty (tm).



Despite this we, are on a high, yet missing the red neck fam back in New Hampshire (love), and head to our abode, the appropriately named 'Lords', an 'appropriately oriented' hotel. With an art deco feel, cute bellboys and a receptionist so camp she would do Ru Paul proud ("Love it.... *snap*" is her thing...), we head to our lovely room with a massive canvas of Liz Taylor looking over us...


We think this is either a good camp omen, or considering she has had 73 divorces, and we are on ONE engagement, a bit of trouble, but take it in good Richard Burton-esque stride and head on down the street to take on the slight rain, and find the true heart of Miami. Food! Plenty on offer, with ebery place offering Lobster and four hour happy hours. Tick, Tick, in my book!
We decide to head to the complimentary gym membership at the local gym, the gayest gym this side of Newtown. But with equipment that astronauts would struggle with, and eye candy as sweet as Toffee Apples, we try and sweat out this beer/wine/cocktail/pizza/burger/lobster gut that seem to have been added to our luggage.

Feeling good, we decide to check out the Hotel's Pool Bar, and mingle with the other residents who don't resemble Ru Paul (scary...... "Love it!!!! *snap*)
Sampling some of the cocktails, and the food next to, not one, but THREE cool pools, we lap up Miami. Shame about the weather. There is a retro Games night in the hotel tonight apparently, with Connect 4, Monopoly, and, uh, Twister, and uh, Spin the Bottle. We spin the bottle to the elevator, and adjourn to bed, not passing Go and not collecting $200.
A bit of a luxurious sleep in today, considering we got up at 4:30 to get ready for the airport from New Hampshire (Chur Bra), we needed it. We decide that we are feeling good, and hit the gym again. Feeling like psudo gym bunnies with protein shake in hand, we decide to go and check out the rest of Miami Beach. But with the Thunder looming, and am not talking about last nights dinner, we decide to go to the flicks! We had to. HAD to compare the experience to our number one love back in Australia (sorry pups and kits). Was interesting. We decided on Super 8, a great Spielberg-esque film, which was actually produced by the great man himself. With Popcorn ladled with additional butter (droooool......), we knew we were on a good wicket.

Movie, awesome, ****1/2 stars from me. The new ET, of which it totally is a homage. The Cinema, ***, Australian cinemas are much better, and I, geekily, should know.
We shop along the renowned Lincoln Avenue shops and get ready for dinner.
We aim up for some Brazilian Meat, the best in Miami. And I know you perverts are kinda expecting this....



...it is actually this....

Less R rated, but still just as debacherous..... ;)
Fogo de Chao, a brilliant, indulgent Churasscaria, in the lower end (*snap*) of South Beach. Debaucherous (seems to be a running theme on our trip), filling, extremely tasty and making us feel like a ciggie afterwards....
(yeah, you are still thinking of this, aren't you....)


("Love it....*snap*)
Brilliant food, excellent service, and what feels like a 5 kg injection of meat ("That's what HE said....)..... (too much?), we decide to walk it off by the beach, hand-in-hand, the warm water batting our newly fatted calves. Despite the weather, the water is beautiful, and crystal clear blue. Mills and Boon eat your heart out. Maybe a "From Here to Eternity" scene is in order.....



We head to our room, for a nightcap, and let the meat settle ("That's what HE s....oh, never mind...)
And so, we get to now. We are officially up to date with our Blog! ("he he ....blog"...) After re-writing this blog (trust me, it was a lot more sensical than this one, IF THAT CAN BE POSSIBLE!!!!!), we shall try getting some rest, watch some crap TV, and wait for the awesome days ahead. It is after midnight after all....
Tomorrow night we have a tour guide with a mate who shall show us the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows, the top, the bottom, of Miami......
*snap*
Stay tuned to this channel....